I Fucking Hate MySpace.

Okay, so it's no secret, but COME ON. Jesus. I hated it enough when I'd never tried to use it before, but now that I've plumbed the depths of the abyss of actual attempts to create a page, I feel even more vindicated in my convictions.

First of all, it pisses me off that every Johnny Fucktard and Susan Golightly-Ballsack in the world now has free license to spew their stupid bleeding-heart-come-political-opinion faeces in text form all over a designated webspace, incorporating flashing images and some fucking stupid shitty soundbite of a lame, off-the-rack pop sensation and a video of one of their friends hitting another of their friends in the face (with a pie, or their cock, or something) and then laughing like freshly wounded moose. All the while suffering under the delusion that what they have done in some way makes them special, or clever, rather than what they really are: a bloody shit-heel, whose fingers could quite justifiably be severed to leave thenm with the only two appendages they really need: their thumbs, so that they can continue to punch in the only contribution they've ever made to the internet; the letters 'L' and 'O', typed over and over again in rapid succession.

The second thing is that to even achieve this shitheap of a page is a monumental endeavor (which is probably one reason these twat-flaps feel so bloody proud of themselves). The good people at MySpace seem to have gone to extraordinary lengths to make navigating and customising a page on their shitty, shitty system incredibly difficult. What with all the obscure encoding, the act itself can be likened to trying to carve a frieze out of diamond using only a plastic spoon. Actually, a more appropriate analogy would be trying to sculpt Michaelangelo's David from shit and chips. You are, in essence, desperately trying to create something beautiful from the most inadequate and revolting tools.

This is all to say nothing of the fact that there are people on here who genuinely believe that they have 942 friends in the real world. Jesus, have you ever had a conversation with these people that didn't involve, at some point, an emoticon? Are they gonna bail you out of jail when you get banged up for choking a hooker? I don't think so. These people are not your friends, stop pretending they are. Moreover, if your going to take a photo of yourself (shortly before you photoshop the hell out of it so that people in the digital world don't realize that you have any blemishes whatsoever, and are also not Angelina Jolie,) then for God' sake at least have the decency to look at the fucking lense. Looking off to the side as if to say "I don't even know I'm having my photo taken" doesn't really work when we can see your fucking arm in shot. Kind of kills the 'aloof' doesn't it? And how many of your friends take a photo while standing directly over your head? Are you friends with giants or something? No. In fact you're sitting in your spinny-chair, waiting for the next repeat of 'Friends' to start.

Man, it makes me so mad I want to vomit. I've got a twitch now because of this shit.